Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
