He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
you had me at cake vodka
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
