i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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