If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
