Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
