question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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