You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
