Where is the hickey?
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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