I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
