I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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