There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
