so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
and you fell through a lawn chair
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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