Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
