my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
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