You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
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