I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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