dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize