oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Randomize