yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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