it wasn't lemon gatorade
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
