Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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