you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
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