You smell like a Billy Joel song
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
