you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
