none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
