hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize