My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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