He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
