and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
