I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
