3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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