I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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