Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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