Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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