im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
