dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize