I should be sponsored by Trojan
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
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