I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
