Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Randomize
