I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Randomize
