I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
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