I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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