If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
