I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
