What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
