My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
