Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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