Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
