I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
