You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I'm just crazy horny about you
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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