Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Randomize
