i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
