My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize