So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
