On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
