We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Randomize
