finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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