Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
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