So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
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