Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Randomize
