I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
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