1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
