Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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