I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Just cropdusted the office
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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