im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
