Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Dignity is for republicans.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
