so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
either way he was missing a nipple.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
