dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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