FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
