Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
