phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
