The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
