oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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