trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Randomize
