I smell stomach acid.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
