i wish starbucks made bloody marys
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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