i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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