Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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