is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
