Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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