Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize