Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Randomize
