we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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