Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
