She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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