All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
