my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
He had one of those small greek statue penises
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
