We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize