it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
