Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
