i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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