it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
