I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
It was confusing and full of hummus
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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