I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
