just come out here and I will go home with you...
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Randomize
