i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
