a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize