He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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