Sorry, I don't speak sober.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
