nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
