I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
His hands were made for my vagina.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
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