worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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