so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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