Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
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