you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
