Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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