I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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