I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize