I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
